Hands
pamelamyers | October 2, 2011
Sam’s bedtime rituals have gone through so many changes in the last few months. She went from being a perfect sleeper, so easy to put down, to being impossible over the summer, to settling down again, but still not going to sleep as easily as she used to. Lately, she has started a very typical toddler routine — finding endless excuses to not go to bed. One more book, one more bounce, one more cuddle, one more anything, basically. If she could manage to voice it, she’d be pulling the old, “Can I have one more drink of water?” routine. So, she’s not really been trouble, just procrastinating, and how fast she gets into bed depends on how much Mark and I feel like humoring her. Some nights, not much, others, we are a lot more lenient and it takes a while longer before we can leave her room. Her routine is definitely different with the two of us. When I take her upstairs, we read a few books, we giggle a bit, I put her in her crib, and then I sing to her while standing next to her crib before I leave. Mark reads books to her and hugs her a bunch (I think I let her get a lot more wound up than he does, probably to my detriment), then he puts her in the crib, lies on the floor next to her, and they do the cutest thing — they hold hands. Sam stretches her little arm out while lying down and they hold hands for a while before he leaves.
In the last few weeks Sam has really been a mommy’s girl. Everything is mommymommymommy and Mark has had a hard time bonding with her. He has been telling me that she seems like she wants nothing to do with him and I know from the tone of his voice that his feelings are a bit hurt. I keep reassuring him that isn’t true — and it’s not — they do play together and have fun together every night, but I can understand his frustration. He has been having trouble getting her to sit with him to read at night, and she always wants me to put her to bed for naps and at night. Mark does take her sometimes because I can’t put her to sleep every time, but she cries and complains until finally giving in. I know it bothers him. I think it’s just a phase she is going through where she is feeling especially connected to me and she will get over it but when you are on the receiving end of her crying, it is hard to believe so I do feel bad for Mark. I know if the situation were reversed, I would be sad too.
I wish he could have been a fly on the wall tonight. She wanted me to put her to bed, again, that much was obvious. So, I took her upstairs, did her routine, and when I put her in the crib and stood near the door like I do, she knelt down, looked at me and said, very clearly, “Floor” and she stretched her arm through the slats toward where I know Mark lies. She wanted to hold hands. I told her no, mommy stands by the crib and she looked at me and said, “Daddy” before giving in and lying down. At that moment, she wanted her Daddy, and his hand. And no matter how much she loves her Mommy, as she grows up she will always need her Daddy and will always look for his hand, his arms, his support, his love. And I know Mark will always be there to give it to her. She is luckier than she knows to have such a devoted dad who would do anything in the world for her. I can only hope she always remembers it, but if she doesn’t, she can rest assured I will be there to remind her.
