Samantha's first blog

Posted By pamelamyers on June 30, 2013

I haven’t posted for a long time about what it is like, day to day, with you, my darling Sam.  What it is to live with you, be your mom, be in your life.  And oh, what a life you have given us! Sammy, you are the funniest, sweetest, most clever and amazing girl. You make me laugh every day with the things you say.  You have really learned the nuances of language, of how people talk to each other. On more than one occasion, you have said something that made me look askance at you, only for you to say, “I’m just teasing you, Mom” and I know you truly are. You really understand how to joke, how to tease, and how to make someone laugh.

You speak so well for a little girl and you rarely mispronounce even the biggest of words, but some of my favorite mispronunciations are:

Boofibul = Beautiful

Afore = Before

Wepher = Zephyr

Nanmom = Grandmom

Lellow = Yellow

Reedicalus = Ridiculous

Just the other day, we were in a restroom and you told me you liked the wall tile because it was smooth and the floor tile was “very impressive.”  Where you learned that word, I have no idea, but it was such a surprise to hear coming from your little mouth. You have such a teeny tiny little girl voice, but you speak like such an adult..  You still have such cute expressions though, where you don’t quite get all the tricks of language yet.

You “sneak on” someone, you don’t “sneak up”

You want me to “ask you” something, not “tell you”

You outgrew a lot of your other little expressions like “up sideways” and  I want to “tell you a question” instead of “ask you”. (Funny how now you still get this all mixed up, but in the opposite way than you used to). You still call a Ferris Wheel a “steering wheel” although you stopped calling a lighter a “campfire.”  One of the first big words you loved to say was delicious, although you always said it like, “Deeeeeelicious!”

When you stop saying things like this, and are perfectly pronouncing your words and using language perfectly well, it will be hard.  We are so proud of your progress in growing up, but your dad and I are both always a little sad at the signs you are growing up.  It is hard being a parent, Sam. You want so much for your little one to grow up and become everything they can be, but at the same time, you never want them to stop being the little baby you held, and protected, and took care of.

You have no concept of time, whatsoever. “Last night” or “yesterday” could in fact mean those things, or, any time in the past year. You tell me stories about such minor things that happened to you so long ago, as if they were yesterday. Just the other day you were telling me, in great detail, about the time I made you hot chocolate. That happened once, about 6 months ago, and yet it still is on your mind. I am always intrigued by the things you continue to think about, things that flit out of my mind as quickly as they come in.

You  can say all your ABCs and can count to 20 easily, yet you still don’t recognize most of your letters or numbers. I have been trying to teach you, but you are so stubborn about learning anything from me. You do much better learning from your daddy, and I hope preschool is easy for you. In this way, you are like me, I have a hard time learning things too unless I pick them up immediately. I get frustrated, and then mad at myself, and so do you. That is one trait I wish we did not share, but if it means you are driven, and smart, I will be proud.

You have become so much braver and more daring in the last few months, riding rides and doing things on your own. You still ask for my help more than I would like, asking me to help you eat and put on your shoes, when I know full well you can do those things on your own quite well, and you do them when you feel like it. We have started trying to get you to dress yourself, although undressing seems much easier for you. You are so good at putting on your shoes, although knowing which foot is which still troubles you sometimes.

You love playing with your stuffed animals and making funny voices for them to talk in. Often, when I ask you to say something like please or thank you, and you are shy or just being belligerent, you make one of your stuffed animals say it in your stead.

And you are so proud of the shows you put on, dancing, twirling, and kicking just like Angelina Ballerina. If I don’t clap, you make sure to tell me to. Sometime soon we are going to enroll you in dance class and I know you will be wonderful. I can’t wait to see you perform and then bow to your audience, which is something that you have just started to do.

You have become very bossy lately, but I know that is normal for your age. You are so headstrong, just like me, and I know that our clashes, when I wind up yelling, are hard for you. You remind me that I am not supposed to yell, just like I told you to. I am sorry that you have to remind me of that and every day I try harder and harder to be a better mom for you, and to not yell when I am mad or upset. You are much calmer and sweeter natured than I am, more like you dad, or your Grandmom, or even your Pop Pop, but in many ways are a lot like me. When your temper flares, there is no stopping you.  The best way I have found to calm you down is to hug you very tight. You like to sit in your nest, which is what you call sitting in my lap while I sit cross legged.

Sam, I love you so much. I want the world for you. It is hard knowing how much to hold on and how much I need to let go. I want to protect you from the world, and yet show you everything. I don’t know how to be the perfect mom, and I am sure I make so many mistakes, but I am trying to be the perfect mom for you. I try to be the best mom I can be. I try to give you everything while not making you spoiled. I try to be patient, and kind, and supportive, and loving. I try to be everything you deserve. I love you so much. Never doubt you are the love of our lives. No one will ever be as important to me and your dad as you are. You are not perfect, but you are wonderful. No one is perfect, but you are as close as it gets, our little one. We are so proud to be your parents. Never doubt it, always count on it. Believe in yourself as much as we believe in you. You will do great things if that is your dream. My dream has already come true. I call you Daughter.

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